Mama Monday | What Being a Girl Mom Means to Me

Mama Monday | What Being a Girl Mom Means to Me

I bet you didn't think you would get an extra mama Monday post did ya! Well I was thinking about how amazing this series has been, how many wonderful and insightful post my terrific and amazing mamas did for me, and I realized I needed to do one myself. So to end this beautiful series heres my post.

What being a girl mom means to me. 

Alright all my girl mommies this one is for you, since the moment I found out I was having a little girl so many things have been swirling around the ol' noodle. As a parent in general raising kiddos is hard on so many levels. As a girl mom, I personally know what she will go though and there are things I wanted to make sure I did right to set this sweet precious little lady up for greatness.

Don't be too obsessed with keeping up with the jones. 

Theres enough pressure out there in the world for her to feel, I don't want her to see her dad and I too focused on having the latest and greatest. It's not the things that make people happy it's the people using them. 

Loving myself 

I try so hard to catch myself on this one. I never want C to think that beauty is the most important thing. I want her to love who she is inside and out. So when I look in the mirror and make a face over my new zit that just appeared or I'm not happy with the number on the scale, she's watching. I don't want her to focus on those things, it's important she knows she's smart, funny and capable of all things.  

I want her too enjoy spending time alone when she gets older. 

I have seen far too many people not be ok with being alone. I want her know thats ok. You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. One of the BEST relationships you have as an adult is the one you have with yourself. 

Being a good example as a mother and spouse 

When the time comes a long long long time from now I hope I taught her to be a good wife and mother. I want her to be in a happy heathy relationship with someone who supports her and loves her unconditionally. I want her to be a mother, who understand the ups and down of motherhood but knows there is nothing like the love of your child. Much like the mother I had. 

Someone looks up to me, not just literally but figuratively too. Every move I make, she's watching me.  So most importantly remembering she wants to be just like me, and I hope the me I am is someone I want her to be. 

XOXO

Mama Mondays | Navigating Motherhood After a Loss

Mama Mondays | Navigating Motherhood After a Loss

Allison Gammel 

You know those long, exhausting days that annoy you so badly that you count down the minutes until you get to go to sleep so it can be over and tomorrow can be better? Try feeling that way for an entire year. That was my 2013, and it was epically bad for so many reasons—primarily losing our little one’s heartbeat 18 weeks 5 days into pregnancy.

Since this is post about everything that’s happened since that moment, the long version of our story, including the thoughts, prayers, and reactions to everything in real time, can be read HERE. 

If you’re a mom reading this and you don’t have time for that (because most of us don’t!) here is the Cliff’s Notes version:

In August of 2013, at 13-and-a-half weeks pregnant, we found out the baby had a chromosomal abnormality. Ten days later we learned it was Trisomy 18 and that most likely we wouldn’t carry to term. I was DEATHLY ill so we wrestled with the idea of ending the pregnancy for my health’s sake. In the end, I couldn’t play God so I endured the nausea and vomiting and carried the baby as long as I was called to do. Deacon Isaiah Gammel went back to heaven one day before we would have reached 19 weeks.

Let’s pick up here shall we.

I went through this big life event with hardly anyone to talk to since I was completely across the country from my family and friends. My friends didn’t know what to say or how to comfort me in my sadness, leading to even deeper sadness, which, you guessed it, pushed them further away. It became a vicious cycle. So instead, my friends became anger (why my baby?), jealousy (14 bazillion people I knew were pregnant), and sorrow (endless tears I felt guilty for crying as if it was a sign of weakness). I fell into full-blown post-partum depression for a couple of months, but thanks to a trusted, patient friend, who just happens to be a counselor; I was able to fight my way out.

In the midst of all this, we found out my husband had reached his career goal and we would be staying to live in the Phoenix/North Scottsdale area. I had to suck up my desire to be close to home and follow the head of our family out west, trusting it was for a reason I couldn’t see.

The first month in our new home, we conceived a new baby. But, here’s was happens when you miscarry before a healthy pregnancy—it breeds FEAR. Fear that you won’t ever get pregnant again, fear that will history will repeat itself, or fear that something new will be wrong. For some it’s brief thoughts that don’t linger too long and for others it’s uneasiness that lasts until the baby is in your arms. Even as we passed various tests and ultrasounds with positive results saying everything looked healthy, I still struggled with worry and anxiety. Not that every parent doesn’t worry about the health of their unborn child, but I do believe that if someone miscarries several times early on, or those who struggle for years with infertility, or who have had a still born, or lose a young infant, do battle against trepidation to a different degree. Think Charlotte from Sex and the City and her not wanting to run out of fear something could go wrong.

Our fear was lifted 38 weeks later, when we welcomed baby boy Sutton, whose gender was a surprise, into the world. He was perfectly healthy and an answer to our prayers. With his arrival into our family, I have used my story of loss to influence my life as a mom.

Let’s go back to the opening line about those long, infuriatingly bad days. Can we just talk about how some days we can feel like Supermom and others there aren’t enough cuss words in the world?! On those days, I go back to something I read during my depression that has stuck with me. I remember a friend of mine posting something along the lines of, “The car won’t start, the dryer is broken, and blah blah blah.” All I could think in that moment was, YOU HAVE TWO HEALTHY, BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN! STOP WHINING ABOUT STUPID STUFF! My second thought was,I pray to get back to the day when the trivial things are my biggest problems. And in time, I have. When the baby won’t stop fussing because he’s teething and it’s the cherry on top of the beyond-cluttered house, the broken fridge, and the whole bowl of whatever I just spilled everywhere, I am quickly reminded to put my frustration on the back burner and find thankfulness in the annoyances. I still get frustrated, it’s hard not to in our humanness, but after a little while, my memory of loss and suffering reshapes my outlook.

Most of all, what I went through helps me know what to say to others going through the experience. If your story is one of pregnancy or infant loss, I’m sure you can agree, you know people mean well when they say things like, “Everything happens for a reason…At least you can get pregnant…It will all make sense someday…Time erases pain.” It’s all very true, but in that moment, all you want to hear is, “That sucks. It just does. Want to cry together over bad movies and fattening food?” In the very early moments, words of embracing grief are more comforting than words of hope. Let them be sad, just don’t let them stay there.

I can look back now and recall how just after our miscarriage an acquaintance was telling me how similar his and his wife’s story was to ours. He said after their miscarriage they got pregnant within three months followed by something I will never forget: “It won’t make sense now, but whether you get pregnant again or not, all of this will become part of the path that you are meant to walk. We were blessed enough to have our son and now I can’t imagine any other child but him being mine. If we had that first baby, he wouldn't be here.”

It ended up being the truest statement. Even with the sadness that followed losing a baby, I look down at this little boy in my arms now and I have full confidence that Deacon went back to heaven because Sutton was designed to be here on earth with us. Most of the time, we don't really feel God working in the valleys of life , but His faithfulness is often clear when we look back. And if we hadn’t had another baby, it would have been just as true.

Our journeys to motherhood—be them our own pregnancies or adoption—are individually unique. Embrace yours boldly. Hug your children if you are blessed to have them. If you don’t, know your story is still unfolding. Keep the faith. You'll get back to the basic 'bad' days most of us have before you know it.

-Allison Gammel 

XOXO

Mama Mondays | Watching my Daughter Become a Mom...I'm a Grandma

    Mama Mondays | Watching my Daughter Become a Mom...I'm a Grandma 

-Kathy Lee

 It's so hard to believe that "my baby" has a 20 month old baby herself! I can still remember the day that Nicole & Steve told me they were expecting. I had been in San Francisco at a conference and when it ended I flew down for a visit. First I should state that I live in New York with my husband, younger daughter and extended family. So any chance to be in California I am all in. Now back to the day... It was the first week of June and we were in their kitchen when Nicole & Steve gave me my birthday gift. It was a Pandora bracelet with a red bead. Now my birthday is June, Nicole's is May so why the red?  Well they told me that this was the stone for my first grandchild, January due date! (happy tears were flowing everywhere)  

   So now how do we do this? They are in Cali and I'm in NY, I want to watch her pregnancy grow and be an active part of it, plus how do I build a relationship 2000 miles away with my grandchild? Thank goodness for Facetime so I was able to watch Nicole grow every week/ month and I'm blessed that I have an understanding husband that supports my visits as often as I can while still working full time. We shared sleepless night stories, foods that we couldn't stand to smell or eat while pregnant as well as shopping for clothes!!!  

      Now to the birth... Steve called me at work the morning of the actual due date to let me know it was a go. I found a flight and was at the hospital meeting my beautiful, sweet, granddaughter 5 hours after she was born! Holding her for the first time was the most surreal experience I've ever had. How could this baby be Nicole's?  Watching Nicole and Steve with C was one of the most beautiful memories I will always have. I was able to stay for 10 days and leaving to head back home was so hard. I was back 12 weeks later with my mom so C could meet her "great grandmother" now having my mom hold her great grandchild was another "wow" moment. 

     I may not be around the corner but thanks to technology I can talk text or Facetime Nicole when she has a question concern or great accomplishment to share. Watching her grow, as a parent is such a proud mommy moment for me. She is so intuitive to Cs needs it's quite remarkable. She reads and researches, but trusts her mom gut and you can see the joy in her face when she is with her daughter.  And like most children little miss "C" knows how to play her parents!  I do take a little bit of pleasure when she gets sassy; she is her mother's daughter after all! 

     Last week Nicole & Steve went away for a week and I had the honor, joy and pleasure to have her all to myself for the entire week. Nicole had a book made "When Mommy & Daddy go on a Trip". It talked about them going away and me coming to stay with her and all the things we would do! We read it every night at bed and several times during the day, it was such a great tool for me especially since it had all of our pictures in it.  That has been the greatest gift. We were busy with reading lots and lots of books, music, dancing, Princess Dance Class, finger plays, we made play-doh, gak,(I'm an Early Childhood person so lots of sensory!!) chalk, the water table, pool, splash pad, "Moo" (Chick-fil-A) for lunch, shopping at Trader Joes, Farmers Market...I LOVED each and every activity and it was the fastest week. We Facetimed mommy & daddy everyday and she was so excited when they came home. I'm so blessed that I had that time with her and all the videos I took so I can revisit it any time I want.

     I'm so happy that we have made the distance work, C knows me as well as if I was around the block, I am her Nanny and she is my baby! Looking forward to my next long weekend...

-Kathy 

XOXO

Mama Mondays | My Battle with Breastfeeding

Mama Mondays | My Battle with Breastfeeding 

Cyrine Jones

It might have been the before and pregnancy fog I was on, but I had the perfect idea as to how everything was going to play out when it came to having a baby. I had a perfect birth plan in my head- my water will break on my due date, have a vaginal delivery after 10 pushes max, two day stay in the hospital, breastfeed for the first year, and live life happily ever after.

            Enter December 12, 2013, eight days prior to his due date, I was sitting at my weekly doctor’s appointment when my OB informed me that my water broke the day before (flashing back to the day prior, I thought the little episode was just some sort of a more than the normal leaking). Anyway, fast forward to 36 hours later, it was love at first sight, as I held him for the very first time while I lay on the operating table. From then on and for at least the next few hours, I was on a definite and unexplainable high. All I wanted to do was to hold him, kiss him, snuggle with him, and make up for the nine months of what I felt then to be our “lost time”. I was in a fog of just pure bliss until my new responsibility as a mom came knocking in a form of a lady in scrubs. I remember our nurse coming in and informing me that it was time to feed the baby. At that time, I did not think there was a process to breastfeeding but I followed along with her instructions. Step 1: She took the baby from me, handed him to my husband. Step 2: propped a pillow for back support, another pillow to cradle my left arm, another to cradle my right arm, and a couple in front to elevate Deacon high enough to be in-line with my nipples. I was looking forward to being able to breastfeed, this was our first bonding experience, and would be our routine bonding time.

For the first few hours, my milk supply was okay but in order to stimulate more milk production, the nurse brought in a hospital grade breast pump ordering me to pump every 3-4 hours right after every feeding. Not even twenty-four hours into Deacon’s birth, when the lab results started rolling in, we were told he has jaundice; jaundice is pretty much the yellow discoloration of the baby’s skin and eyes, which in our case is more prevalent because of my Asian genes. So because of this diagnosis, they, as in the doctor/nurse, immediately recommended to start him on formula, to flush the jaundice out “quicker” in addition to the phototherapy he was ordered to be on.

Right away I got upset, upset at myself for already causing this to my newborn and upset that I am not able to fulfill my plan to strictly breastfeed him for the first year of his life, mere hours in to his birth. But as a new momma bear, I had to accept and welcome it wholeheartedly because I was/am willing to do whatever is needed to be done to ease any pain for my new baby. So in the five day stay in the hospital, we had established a feeding routine; have him latch-on on both breasts then my husband will feed him 2oz of formula while I pump for the next 15 minutes. The same routine continued at home for the first two weeks. We had to get on a timeline of when to breastfeed, when to pump, how to pump after breastfeeding all the while he was attached to the home phototherapy kit, which made it awkward to physically breastfeed him. Feeling as if I was limiting his breastfeeding time so he still had room to take the formula afterwards, I finally decided to strictly breastfeed him during the day, and do the breast milk/formula combo at night. The plan worked up until we were diagnosed with “thrush”, mostly likely caused by the antibiotics I was prescribed to take for having C-section. Physically, it was hell on my breasts. If I wasn’t feeling the pain when I had Deacon latched-on where every suck equaled to what I felt was a stabbing nerve pain, it was the unbearable itching with what I felt had no relief or remedy regardless of how hard I scratched. The worst part was because of the thrush, he also developed severe diaper rash. Because of this diagnosis, we were advised to not have him latch on to my breast until the thrush was fully gone from both of us. At this time, I had to strictly pump and feed him breast milk via bottle, which thankfully he was already fully transitioned to since he was also on formula since day 1. Not only was it physically stressful on my newborn baby and myself but it also became an emotional burden to be a new mommy and not be able to give your 2-week old infant what they need, ie breast milk, and that I felt like I have inflicted pain on them now too. The length of recovery took a couple weeks and we had to get used to yet another feeding routine. I kept up with the pumping schedule and would bottle-feed him straight breast milk during the day and continued on with the breast milk/formula combo at night. The decision left me feeling very guilty and already a failure at being a new mom but at the time, I thought it was the best thing for me and for my newborn, or so according to our doctor. The plan on going back to our breastfeeding routine prior to having thrush fell apart. I think it was the convenience of not having to worry about having him latch-on, feed, and then pump afterwards, which can be hectic every 3-4 hours all day everyday. In all honesty, I got lazy on the job, relied on strictly pumping, and the convenience of bottle feeding might have contributed to my milk supply only lasting for 3 months. I felt guilty and was always seeking affirmation from other mom friends that what I was doing was okay. I was not putting to use what my breasts are truly designed for, not only did I feel like I was a failure as a mom already, but also as a woman where I felt incompetent in something that was supposed to be natural. I mean, women for generations breastfeed their babies, so why can’t I accomplish the same?

I learned to accept the reality that breastfeeding the first 3 months was going to be just fine. I had to realize that other kids grow up not even having a drop of breast milk in their systems and they end up healthy and productive people in our society. I think that was the biggest worry on my part, that if I don’t breastfeed Deacon, he won’t get the proper nutrients he needed and end up having a weak immune system, that he would develop a number of illness as he grows up and or end up not making the honor roll in high school that will get him a full scholarship to college and be the success I want him to be (yes, that’s how my brain works, and I’m sure I am not alone on this wild imagination filled with worries that I had/have). To this day, I feel a twinge of jealousy every time I see a mom breastfeeding their babies well beyond 3 month old; I applaud them for being strong willed and sticking with it for however long it takes. Bright side for me is I can hopefully redeem myself with the next kid, and with the knowledge I have gained through this experience, I feel like I am more than ready to tackle breastfeeding next time and hopefully I can successfully persevere longer than 3 months.

-Cyrine

XOXO

Mama Mondays | Fitness for A Busy Mom

Mama Mondays | Fitness for A Busy Mom

My name is Dani and I am a wife to an amazing man, mommy to a very busy, fiery, red headed 18 month old little girl with another one on the way as well as a fitness/health enthusiast.  I studied Exercise Science and fitness in college while I played soccer, and when I graduated I went right to work in one of the top gyms in the country.  I have worked at Equinox, Newport Beach, for almost 8 years and have worked with every kind of client imaginable.  My favorite, however, are the pre and post natal, the mommies to be exact.  Probably because I myself am now a mommy.

Getting back into a fitness and healthy eating routine after baby doesn't have to seem like an unconquerable feat, it definitely is possible.  Honestly, its a lot easier than most people would make it sound.  Before I get started I need to express how important it is for you as a mom to get time for yourself.  It really is way too easy to get caught up the daily hustle and bustle of your kids and work and wifely duties to make time for yourself, but a happy healthy mom and wife makes for a happy and healthy home and family.  Also, remember there are tiny little eyeballs watching your every move, and if your littles are anything like my little Lilley they are copying everything you do too.  And what a fantastic thing for them to emulate, your love for a healthy lifestyle!  So here it is, my 5 tips for getting back into a healthy routine after baby...  

1. Make a schedule. Schedules work for babe, right?  So why aren't you on one too?  Now creating a schedule for yourself doesn't mean it has to be set in stone, make it flexible, make it work for your day to day.  I have seen it so many times... A new mom comes to me ready to get in shape after baby and says "I'm going to make it into the gym everyday this week!"  Don't get me wrong,  the enthusiasm is fantastic but the reality is that I would not be a good trainer if I didn't help set my clients up for success right off the bat.  How many days, realistically, can you make time to get to the gym, or barre class, or go for a run/walk outside?  Thats where you should start.  The only reason I say that is because the first day that is missed you more than likely will be disappointed in yourself and tell yourself you've failed.  I never want my clients to feel like they have failed.  When those few days have become easy, then start thinking about adding an extra day or two.

2.  Take it outside.  Yes!!  Taking the workout outside is not only healthy for you its stimulating for your little one.  Now, you don't have to get all "bootcamp crazy" in order to have a nice sweaty workout sesh outside, you can just grab some music and take a walk, you will be amazed at how motivating and refreshing it can be to just be outside.

3. Eating healthy is a MAJOR part.  I'm sure most of you ladies follow at least 2 or 3, or 4 or 5 (maybe more) people on Instagram or Twitter or FaceBook as a fitness inspiration.  Yes??  I do!  And between their multiple posts of ab selfies, squat videos, and healthy restaurant meals are their "weekly food prep" pictures.  And then they preach that if you don't weekly food prep you are setting yourself up for failure.  The truth is, you don't need to weekly food prep in order to be successful but you do need to have the healthy food and snacks already stocked at home.  When you do your weekly grocery store run, make sure you are armed with a list full of healthy and easy snack options like fresh fruit, veggies and nuts as well as lean protein and complex carbohydrates.  I love greek yogurt for a quick and easy breakfast or lunch, I also use it in smoothies!  I also buy cans of tuna that I will either throw on a bed of greens for a quick salad or mix with some mustard and avocado for a healthier version of tuna salad.  Nitrate free deli meat and some low fat cheese is an easy grab for a quick sandwich or wrap.  Those are just a couple easy peasy meal ideas that don't necessarily need to be prepped ahead of time.  I also try to have and idea what we are going to be making for dinner most nights of the week, if its something like chicken I will prepare extra to have during the week as well.  Not everything has to be prepped out a week in advance.

4.  YouTube and Pinterest your workouts!  You heard it hear, from the trainer, to watch workout videos.  Just do me a favor, and don't tell my colleagues I said that.  I happen to think there can be some great quick and easy workouts for all fitness levels.  And they so easily accessible!  If it happens to be a day that you have scheduled to workout but its looking like the gym might as well be on the moon, bust out the laptop and get down to business at home!  They can be as short or as long as you'd like.  Don't worry about the fact that it might not be as intense as it would have been if you were at the gym because, hey, you still did more than you would have if you skipped the workout all together right??  And you did something equally good for your self esteem, you kept a promise to yourself.  So dust off those old workout DVDs or, ahem, tapes and hit the 'search' button on some new YouTube channels and get to work!

5.  Get your family involved.  The family that lives a healthy lifestyle together stays happy and healthy together!  Ok, so maybe that sounds a little cheesy, but its so true!  Go to the park together and play baseball or soccer.  Have a weekly cooking night together.  Go for a family hike.  Take an exercise class together.  Whatever it is, do it together, as a family.  You can start early on, because the quicker you make it your natural routine the easier it is to maintain it, and as your kiddos grow it will always be a part of their routine.  What a great way to enjoy each other but create healthy habits as well!  
-Dani

XOXO

Mama Mondays | Mommy Beauty Tips

Mama Mondays | Mommy Beauty Tips
Monika Zeldin 

Gosh, I remember that feeling of panic like it was yesterday, when I got my nails done for the first time since my son was born.  It took me three months before I had the courage (and trust in others) to leave Dorian for 30 minutes. I had the fastest mani/pedi of my life and it was probably the nail techs too! Now, looking back, I laugh at how unrealistic my expectations of myself was as a mother and how much pressure I put on everyone also to be perfect for  “baby D”. 

Being a stay-at-home mom, I waited at least eight months before I felt confident to leave my son long enough to get my hair done and even receive an eyebrow wax treatment after that!  Once it did happen though, and my son was perfectly fine upon getting home, I committed to taking time for myself. I noticed that once I started taking this “me” time to get a mani/pedi, hair treatment or facial, I started to relax not only as a mom but, as a person in general.  No one tells you that once you become a mom, you’re selfless nature can take you far away from yourself and leave you resentful and maybe even a little loony, if you let it get that far.  It is important to take care of yourself so you can take care of others.  It’s like the airplane analogy; “make sure you put on your mask before assisting others….”.  Whether you are a brand new mom or a seasoned pro, we are after all first and foremost, feminine beauties and taking care of our skin and hair is a MUST.  This doesn’t mean spending hours in the bathroom to prep every morning, (seriously, who has time for that?), it means making a habit of a few simple daily things to keeping ourselves hydrated, nourished, and looking good.  If you do get some time to give your skin and hair a little extra TLC, there are plenty of options out there for you to get it done in speedy fashion.  Remember, you put on the mask first, then….

5 Quick Beauty Tips for hardworking mamas:

1.     WASH your face every day and every night.  If you are a brand new mama, then clean your skin every night, at least. Don’t rush through your routine, take a little time. Luke warm water is your friend, not hot (causes dry skin) and not cold (tightens pores and hard to pull out impurities). Once a week, use an exfoliating brush on your face, it works wonders. (My favorite: Clarisonic Mia)

2.     APPLY a good serum on your face. Serums are lightweight and most are water-based, eliminating oils and petrolatum, which are common in moisturizers. Serums contain the most potent doses of anti-aging ingredients and truly help with cell rejuvenation and turnover. Plus, they work great on oily skin, which is a huge culprit of mommy hormone flare-ups. Bonus: Store your serums in the fridge to wake up your tired skin and tighten those pores! (My favorite: Luxu Hydrating Serum)

3.     DAB, dab, dab on the eye cream/gel. With the lack of sleep, our eyes are the ones that get hit the hardest (red eyes, dark circles, puffiness).  If you have a good eye treatment that can minimize these for you, then you’re coming out on top, even if you physically don’t feel like it. (My favorites: Rodan + Fields Multi-Function Eye Cream and Eve Lom Eye Cream)

4.     WEAR sunscreen! One of the things I am sure we all agree on is how much we treasure our long walks with our kiddos, especially when they are newborns. With that being said, sunscreen is your best friend. Even if it’s a ‘stay indoors’ kind of day, sunrays do seep through the window, so lather on that protection and save your beautiful face! (my favorite: Badger Unscented Sunscreen)

5.     BRUSH those beautiful locks. One of the most horrifying experiences is shedding copious amounts of hair after you give birth to your baby. Nice work Hormones. It is important, whether you shampoo frequently or not, to brush your hair at least once a day. I don’t always have time to do a good lather in the shower, but I always can take a minute to simulate my scalp with a good brushing.

When you have time to treat yourself a little extra, CUEHair Salon and Skin Care (Newport Beach, CA) offers the following services in under an hour.  It’s wise to invest in beauty maintenance.  When you look good, you feel good and that is a win all around.

CUE EXPRESS SERVICES

-       Deep Conditioning Hair Treatment

-       Express Shampoo/Blowout

-       Express Facial

-       Hand Rejuvenation

-       Sugar Wax Eye Brow / Lip Wax

-       Eyelash Strip Application

Monika Zeldin is co-owner of CUE Hair Salon and Skin Care in Newport Beach, CA. She handles all aspects of marketing and events.  Monika’s background is in Magazine Publishing, brand marketing and social media strategizing. She now splits her time between taking care of her 18-month old son, attending Pure Barre, pampering herself with facials and hair treatments and striving to make her full-service beauty salon a long-lasting success in Orange County, CA. www.cuehairandskincare.com

GO Check it out!!! 

XOXO