Last on the List

Lately I have been focusing on my mental health as much as I can. As a mama to two young babies under the age of four I tend to neglect myself quite a bit. So I made a list of five things that have helped me lately. I thought I would share for any mamas who may be feeling the same way. 

1) Wake up before the kids, this is a hard one. I don't always do it but when I do its the BEST. I get to drink my coffee while its hot and catch up on emails without someone climbing across my computer. I feel energized and more balanced then when I go get them I'm a happier mommy greeting them with a smile and June Cleaver good morning.  

2) Eat first. So my kiddos give me a run for my money when its comes to food. C is in a picky eater phase and O has never been a stellar eaten. Steve and I LOVE to eat so you can imagine my concern when I don't see my kids clearing their plates. I kept noticing how much anxiety I had during meal times focusing on the girls eating and trying to feed them as much as possible that I wasn't eating myself. So I changed that, and decided we can tackle feeding the girls after I feed myself. Changed my tune and calmed me down immediately. 

3) Self Care. This one is HUGE! The BEST gift you can give your children is a positive, happy and well taken care of mommy. That means we have to take the time to take care of ourselves and do something for US. So weather it's getting my nails done, a massage, a blowout or just laying down for a few while the kids nap it helps so much. I have to fill my bucket before I fill everyone else's. 

4) Let them work it out. With the girls being 3.5 and 1 they are now starting to have a little sibling rivalry. C doesn't always want to share with O and O is now finding her voice with big sis and telling her NO. Instead of running over at every little argument I'm trying to take a step back and let the girls work it out for themselves. We tell C if there is a toy she doesn't want to share with O (that is hers) she needs to put it away in her room, same goes for O. When I see them (well more like C) playing tug or war with a toy I try to see if they can work it out on their own without C acting too much like a bully. It helps my nerves a ton not always feeling the need to play referee. For the most part they figure it out on their own are back to hugging a giggling two minutes later. 

5) Do the parenting activities you love. This is a new one suggested to me by my therapist and I am so happy she did. When I am low on energy or just in a funk and I'm solo with the kiddos I am focusing on the things that I enjoy doing. Don't get my wrong my kids get plenty of uninterrupted child directed play, but when I am in the drivers seat it makes those parenting moments so much more enjoyable. So hide and seek and reading has been a great go to in the moment and they LOVE it! 

These 5 things help so much and they were so little and easy to implement. 

XOXO

Driving without headlights

So after a much needed break from the Blogger World I am back. Now I am sure many of you (that is if anyone even reads this) are wondering where the heck I have been. Well heres the situation...I am just going to rip off the bandaid here people. I was going though some postpartum anxiety and depression. Wow, that made it really real.

When O was about 4 months old I realized something just wasn't right. Have you ever been on the road at night when it's dark and you notice everything is pitch black and you can't really see where you're going until you finally realized "crap I have no headlights on?" That's kind of the feeling I've had since O was born I knew things weren't a hundred percent OK by the time she was about three months. I had the baby blues with my older daughter and after a few weeks it went away. Thinking it had a lot to do with the fact that I was sleep deprived and new mom but I was OK. This time around everything was so much different. I remember thinking "I shouldn't be this angry you're in the middle of one of the most joyous times in your life" and yet all I wanted to cry. I've never dealt with depression before but I knew I was off, and having gone to therapy since I was little because of my parents divorce I knew it was time to seek some help.

By the time I was four months postpartum O stopped sleeping through the night. When she would wake we were unable to soothe her screaming (nothing worked). On top of that she had stopped nursing, she gave up on me cold turkey so I was exclusively pumping for weeks which is oh so much fun (insert eye roll here). So not only was I getting little to no sleep, but I was grieving the loss of this bond I so desperately wanted. Then I noticed I was getting short tempered with my husband and with my three-year-old, which would turn into an overwhelming feeling of guilt that I was the shittiest mom on the planet.  I wasn't OK. Nothing was OK. I lied to myself and and to others on how I was doing. They'd ask how the girls were and how we were adjusting and I'd say "Great C loves O so much and she is such a great helper" but what I was really thinking was "I want to run away, this baby won't sleep and I can't catch a break, it all hurts and I can't stop crying" Everything was spiraling out of control I felt scared and unsure of what was going on and I couldn't understand why I couldn't shake this funk I was in.

Once I finally saw someone for what I now know was postpartum depression and anxiety I started feeling so much better. I talked about my fears, things I had been going through, I've been feeling anger, sadness, and loneliness, soul crushing guilt. By letting it all out I finally felt relief a sense of freedom finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I turned my headlights on. I've been going now once a week with no plans to stop. It's been one of the best things for me. 

At the time I started talking to someone I realized that I needed to take a break from blogging. I needed to take a break from anything that wasn't helping. It's not that I don't love blogging and or that I don't love sharing, but I just knew I needed to give my mind a break. I have sat down to write this post more times than I can count. Not really knowing what to say, not really knowing how I'd be judged, and not really knowing how anyone would react. Then I watched a documentary a few weeks ago it was amazing and eye-opening and I realized that by sharing my story and everything I've gone through over the past few months maybe I can help another mom out there who doesn't realize that this can be helped. You can fix it and you can overcome it! This isn't your new normal! This too shall pass. Seeking help and knowing somethings off is the first start. 1 in 7 women suffer from some form of postpartum anxiety or depression. Lets be there for each other. Lets share our stories! Lets normalize the issues. We could all use more shoulders to lean on. We are better moms when we take care of ourselves.  

Nursery Wish List with Baby Cubby

As a mom of now two little kiddos I thought it might be fun to share some things that get me though the day just a little easier. Some things I own personally and others, I wish I had! So I teamed up with baby cubby to make a nursery wish list for you. Here are a few must have items for the new mama! 

4Moms tub, We received this tub for baby O and I love it! We also have the 4Moms spout cover which we use for C. I love knowing the temperature for baby and making sure its just right. Having a baby tub that has one built in is a no brainer! 

4Moms breeze, When we received this pack-n-play for C the minute I opened it up I immediately understood why its called the breeze. I have attempted to use other brands before and let me tell you I am not kidding when I say attempted, I wasn't able to open the thing. That's what I LOVE about this is so easy to open and set up, it's truly a breeze. 

Baby Jogger City Mini GT Double, After testing many many doubles for Disney purposes of course this is the side by side double we chose to go with. I wanted something that was more rugged then our everyday Orbit Baby Double. We plan on using this when O is bigger and can sit up in it, I see many Disneyland trips with this in our future. 

Owlet Monitor,  I have to admit when I first saw this product I was a little hesitant because of the price but luckily my awesome in-laws got it for us as a gift for baby O and it could not be more perfect present for a new mommy! With C I worried a ton and was up at all hours of the night constantly making sure she was breathing. I literally did not relax every time we went to bed and I believe I barely slept for her whole first year of life, not to mention the fact that she struggled with sleep but that's another story. The owlet has been such a lifesaver as far as my sleep is concerned. The smart sock works just like the monitors in the hospital using pulse oximetry. It shows you via an app on your phone that she is breathing on her own, and what her heart rate is which allows me to know she is safe and happy in her bassinet. The best part of this is truly the app once we finally get up enough nerve to leave both girls with the sitter for a date night we can check on O from anywhere, for now we use it while we watch a movie in the living room and she sleeps in our bedroom. Ha! The piece of mind alone with her this wonderful little device has given us is worth the cost in my opinion. I highly recommend it, if you buy anything for your first, second, third, or eighth child it HAS to be this. It really has been such a blessing to get a good nights sleep and know that the owlet will go off if God for bid there's a problem. It took us a little while to get the hang of it and make sure we had everything positioned just right so we weren't getting false alarms, but once we figured it all out it's been a breeze. Putting it on every night and knowing that if I want to check on her all I do is look at the base station on my nightstand and see the green light glowing and I know she's OK. 


Skip Hop Chelsea Downtown Chic Backpack, I love this diaper bag. I use it daily, I love using a backpack especially while chasing a toddler and needing both hands and to be honest you can't beat the price. It has tons of storage in it as well as pockets galore. Which is great being that it may be only of the only organized things I own currently. 

ErgoBaby Adapt 3 Position Child Carrier This carrier is fantastic you no longer need the infant insert if you have this one! Which is amazing since the last thing you need is anther thing to tote around with you. It works for babies as little as 7 lbs, so you can start using it immediately. I love baby wearing my littles so this is a must for every new mama, not to mention that ergo is always my go to since its the most comfortable for babies hips. 

I really enjoyed looking around Baby Cubbys site. I love how they carry most of my favorite brands and searching for items on there was super easy. They have a great selection of items including some stuff for mom as well. It's always great finding a one stop shop especially when it comes to everything kiddo related. For moms local the store even offers drive up ordering, how cool is that!  Happy Shopping! 

*This is a Sponsored post but all thoughts and options are my own

Scenes from our weekend!

This weekend was a ton of fun and it felt so productive too. On Friday we took the girls pumpkin picking which was a blast the weather was really on our side which was so nice to pumpkin pick with an actual fall breeze. C had a blast and O pretty much slept the whole time haha. Then Saturday we worked on Cs big girl room I can't wait to show you the final product in a few weeks! Side note she's loving sleeping in a big girl bed and has been doing so well with it it's awesome. Sunday we took C to a trampoline park for the first time and she had a BLAST, she wasn't the only one who loved it. Steve and I thought it was super fun too and can't wait to go back! Here are a few snapshots.

She was acting like a ghost! lol 

Taking a trunk picture with your pumpkins is a Hollins family tradition, O apparently didn't get the memo. 

Dresser | Knobs | Overlays 

I'm in LOVE with her dresser of course the tape will not be there I just taped it up to see how the overlays will look. 

  

Jumping her little heart out, way too cute

XOXO

Apple Picking

If you follow me on Instagram you would know that we went apple picking last week. C has been watching the video we took of her pear picking from last year at least once a week. I am so thrilled she loves this yearly tradition of ours. Growing up on the east coast we went went apple picking as kids and when we moved out to California in 2012 I made a point to find a place where we could go here. Luckily we found an adorable place tucked into the hills in Oak Glen. If you haven't been to Riley Farm and you live in Orange County I highly encourage you to drive up and go! And while you are there you need to grab some of their delicious cider! We LOVE heading out to Riley's, we usually go in late September or early October. They have apples, pears, pumpkins and even u-pick wild flowers. Depending on availability you can pick all these things until your hearts content. Be sure to stop by the general store and grab some honey and apple butter too. No this is not a sponsored post, I just really love coming here it feels like home and the weather is always slightly cooler too. Happy Picking!

XOXO

A Letter to my Daughter on her first day of Preschool

Dear sweet child of mine,

Today you start your first week of preschool.  Today we drop you off for the very first time with someone else in someone else's care and walk away. I have been with you side-by-side almost every day of your 2 1/2 years of life. I've watched you grow into a strong, smart, fun, intelligent,  adorable little girl and now I have to let you go into the world. You are going to learn so much sweet girl while you're away at school. There will be tears from mommy too, but know you will be ok. I am so excited for all that you are about to learn, the friends you're about to meet and the memories you're about to make. 

Even though you are so small I have a few words of wisdom for you. Well I'll go ahead and call them words of wisdom hopefully you see it that way. Lol

Never stop exploring the world through the wonder in your eyes. Pick up the bug, get messy, play in the dirt enjoy every nook and cranny that the world has to offer but stay safe 😉

Stay kind, you are such a sweet and loving little girl. Remember that when someone falls on the playground, put your hand out and help them. 

Be patient I know this is hard coming from mommy,  as you have seen firsthand how impatient I can be. Be as patient as possible let things happen around you and enjoy the moment. 

You are one of the most strong willed people I know and as difficult as it is for me to get you to eat your breakfast in the morning I hope you maintain that as you go out into the world. You  know exactly what you want and exactly when you want it.  That is a quality to be admired you have the ability to be a great leader and I can't wait to see how it develops in the future.

Today you gave me the biggest hug and told me you loved me. As  I walked away I saw your eyes look around on the playground wondering where I went. Mommy always comes back sweetheart, have so much fun today! I will miss you terribly and daddy and I will be counting down the hours until we get to pick you up. So have fun, relax and enjoy your new found freedom you're gonna love it!

Love you,
Xoxo
Mommy 

O Newborn Shoot

When it comes to newborn photos O could not be more different from big sister C. C's photos maybe took close to 6 hours while O was done in a few hours with minimal crying and calming. O is also pretty much a chill baby and we are very lucky to have one of those. Things over here have still been crazy with two kiddos and all but I am so grateful each and everyday for my adorable girls. So here are a few favorites from our sweet girls photo shoot. Thank you again to Amanda from April Smith Photography, she goes above and beyond for our little family and we just love taking pictures with her. 

Headbands | Jammies 

C did amazing during photos and just loved having her picture taken. She was also beyond sweet to O which made us so happy. 

Best picture! 

Loves of my life

O Headband | Swaddle 

O Headband

 My favorite photo! 

Girls Headbands | Cs Dress old similar here 

O Headband 

If you know me well you know we are huge Disney and Harry Potter fans so this picture was a must. Can't wait for the girls to be old enough so I can read these to them. 

XOXO